How to Differentiate Between a Need for Coaching vs a Lack of Self-Trust

Dec 06, 2021
lack of self-trust



Welcome back to another episode of The Dreamer’s Lounge Podcast! By now, you’ve likely seen the word “boundaries” hanging out in the ether of the World Wide Web. It’s everywhere. The concept that we should make decisions based on what we are most comfortable with, has apparently gotten a re-brand, and we love that journey. 

But before we dive right in, welcome! You’ve now entered into The Dreamer’s Lounge! I’m Ariel Schiffer, and I have made it my mission to take out the digital trash one bad course at a time. I am the creator of The Course Alchemist, Industrial Organizational Psychologist, and Curriculum and course design expert.

This podcast is for entrepreneurs who are looking to elevate their digital product suite so their offers speak for themselves. Nothing is worse than being oversold into something that under-delivers just like an overpriced bottle of wine. So, if you’re ready to develop high-quality offers, bring in consistent revenue, and have a business with long-term results for you AND your clients, grab your drink and join us inside…

Perhaps you’ve explored the concept, perhaps not. But if it is the latter, I will encourage you to dive into this topic and figure out where you stand. And if you’re routinely working with a business coach, you really should.

I know this is a touchy topic; coaches are just out there trying to hustle like the rest of us. The thing is though, with a business coach, you are what they’re hustling (and not in the slimy, deceiving way). And look, for a while, especially if you’re seeing growth (personal or business) that’s great! But it’s like when you were taught how to ride a bike; eventually they had to let go, right?



Self-Confidence and Self-Trust Should Always Be the Underlying Goal

Isn’t the entire aim of someone helping you ride a bike to get you to a place of peddling on your own? How is coaching you through running your business any different?

I myself have worked with a coach for years. Coaches have the potential to offer an incredible array of tools and helpful new perspectives to help take your company to the next level. I’ve truly loved working and leveling up with my own mentor, but when it was time to renew our contract...I just knew my truth. And that truth sounded a lot like “no.”

The real irony here is, any halfway decent coach should be encouraging you to trust your own gut. And my coach was part of the reason I was able to honor my own process and go with what my intuition was telling me. 

Of course there was self-doubt. And the irrational fear that I’m an impostor, or maybe secretly two ducks in a trenchcoat pretending to run a business. I was also really scared of losing someone who, after years of working together, I considered a friend. But again, I had to trust that this moment, right here, was the ultimate goal all along. (Spoiler: it was fine and we are still great friends). 



Validation Was My Drug of Choice

In the end, I don’t think I ever truly doubted that my company would thrive. But it sure was nice to have the reassurance that my choices were the right ones from an outside source. But I'll tell you a little secret; I became that person for myself. And every time I trusted an idea or lead I had, and it worked out, I was that much more confident. 

On the flip side, I also know we’re human; sometimes things aren’t going to work the way you want them to. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. That being said, I am confident in myself and my ability to run my business.

And that’s not to say that sans coach, you have to be all alone. Delegation is a game-changer, as long as you have an all-star team (which I do). And if I still have questions about the occasional process (anything involving the IRS, amiright?), guess what? I can ask. I can seek help. I can still get it done. 


Don’t Ask for Permission 

Incredible people don’t ask for approval before the launch of their next big thing. They trust themselves & their abilities and go all in. Elon Musk didn’t ask his coach for permission before he designed the Tesla. And now he’s a millionaire mogul with his eye on flying to Mars. 

This is not me telling you to constantly attack every issue or change with guns blazing. Sometimes being a good leader is discerning when to officially make the decision, versus when to run it by your employees or even friends. There’s a big difference between gaining insight and input, and asking your coach for permission before every single decision, big or small. Don’t be codependent; be collaborative.


Don’t Fly Blind

It’s also not a good sign if you are following the advice of a coach that you don’t even agree with. It’s your business! Again, a coach should be helping you become the best version of yourself you can be, because only then will you run your company in the best way possible. To me, that is true coaching; helping you to cultivate self-trust in yourself should be the goal. 

You’re allowed to be confident and to trust yourself. You’re the one who has gotten you this far, and you’re the one who is going to keep climbing. 



Your Coach is There to Help You Build Up Yourself as Much as Your Business; This Looks Alot Like Trusting Yourself: The Bottomline

Again, when you learn to ride a bike, that person teaching you isn’t holding on behind you forever. That’s not the goal. The goal is to get you to a place where you’re confident to pedal on your own, and eventually, just cruise. 

This is exactly what coaching should look like (minus the bike helmets). If they really care about you and your company they’ll want it to thrive even more so in their absence. 

I’m curious if this topic hit home for anybody? Do you agree? Not so much? Do you feel called out, either as a coach or client? Reach out on Instagram and let me know; I’m genuinely curious and would love to have a discussion.

If you’d like to connect with other Dreamers in our community, join The Dreamer’s Society. And if you’re interested in learning more about working with the Dreampro team, check out our website!

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See you next week!

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